Steve Stein's "Nine Lines" for Wednesday, Aug. 4

1. Here's how I would set up the divisions for football when Nebraska joins the Big Ten Conference next year: (East) Indiana, Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State and Purdue. (West) Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Northwestern, Nebraska and Wisconsin. Traditional rivalries are preserved.

2. Fans can no longer bring bottled water to University of Michigan football games at Michigan Stadium. Why? Because it's taking too long for security to inspect the bottles. To its credit, U-M will be providing bottled water to fans once they get inside the stadium.

3. Definition of a bad day: An errant golf ball shattered the back window of a van traveling on a road alongside a golf course in Macomb Township, Mich. Glass sprayed all over a 2-year-old and a 15-month-old, sending them to the hospital to have glass removed from their hair and ears, and cuts on their arms and legs repaired. The golfer who shot the ball has apologized to the mother who was driving the van, but hasn't offered to pay her anything yet.

4. The Miami Heat has sold out its season tickets and has a waiting list of 6,000, so the club has fired its season ticket sales staff. Thirty people are without jobs for doing their job. There's another reason to hate the Heat.

5. On Tuesday night, when the Tampa Bay Rays took over first place in the American League East with a 6-4 win over the Minnesota Twins, the crowd at Tropicana Field was a whopping 18,261. Shameful.

6. Matthew Clemmons of Cherry Hill, N.J., was sentenced to one to three months in jail, two years of probation, and 50 hours of public service for intentionally vomiting on another fan and his 11-year-old daughter during a Philadelphia Phillies game April 14 at Citizens Bank Park. It should be an "interesting" one to three months in the slammer for the scumbag. The guy Clemmons barfed on, by the way, was an off-duty Easton, Pa., police captain.

7. The Seattle Mariners have hit rock bottom. Their 6-22 record in July matched a team high for losses in a month established in 1977, the club's first season. To make matters worse, the Mariners have sent first baseman Justin Smoak to Triple-A Tacoma after he hit .159 in 16 games with Seattle. Smoak was Seattle's major acquisition from the Texas Rangers in the trade for Cliff Lee.

8. Perhaps the quietest deal made before the baseball trade deadline could pay the loudest dividends. The Minnesota Twins, who are in a fight for the American League Central Division championship with the Chicago White Sox, obtained All-Star closer Matt Capps from the Washington Nationals. The Twins, as you probably know, are without closer Joe Nathan for the entire season.

9. NHL fans looking for a summertime hockey fix should check out the NHL Network's "35 Years of Stanley Cup Clinchers -- 1975-2010" each weeknight. The top five games in fans' voting will re-air Aug. 23-27.

Steve Stein's "Nine Lines" for Monday, July 26

* Props to Dallas Cowboys rookie receiver Dez Bryant for refusing to carry veteran receiver Roy Williams' shoulder pads Sunday during training camp. Rookies are expected to "pay their dues" by doing stupid stunts as part of the NFL's rites of passage, but I agree with Bryant that he's in camp to prepare to win football games, and nothing else. 

* Kudos to Andre Dawson for sending a not-so-subtle line shot up the middle to baseball's steroid users during his Hall of Fame induction speech Sunday.

* Quick now, name the team with the best record in the National League. If you answered the San Diego Padres, congratulations. The surprising Padres are 58-39. This is the first time they've been 19 games over .500 since 1998.

* The Los Angeles Angels had to do something if they wanted to give themselves a chance to catch the Texas Rangers in the American League West, and they did it by acquiring Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Dan Haren in a trade. Haren leads the National League with 141 strikeouts. The Angels had to give up starter Joe Saunders, two minor league pitchers and a player to be named later in the deal.

* I'd trade Bobby Valentine for Joe Morgan in a second in ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball announcing booth. Valentine filled in for Morgan during the St. Louis Cardinals-Chicago Cubs game Sunday and was a breath of fresh air.

* I'm glad to see San Francisco Giants outfielder Eugenio Valez didn't suffer anything worse than a concussion Saturday when he was smacked in the head with a foul ball hit by teammate Pat Burrell while he was in the dugout during a game against the Arizona Diamondbacks. That was a scary, scary moment.

* Remember Oakland Athletics pitcher Dallas Braden? If it seems like he fell right off the radar screen since he threw a perfect game May 9, he did. He didn't win again until Sunday, when he was the winning pitcher in a 6-4 victory over the Chicago White Sox. Braden's nine-game winless dry spell after a perfect game was the longest in MLB history, according to Elias Sports Bureau. 

* Stein's Lines' Game of the Day: There's a great pitching match-up tonight in Kansas City with the Minnesota Twins' Francisco Liriano (8-7, 3.54 ERA, 133 strikeouts, 36 walks) opposing the Royals' Zack Greinke (6-9, 3.59 ERA, 113 strikeouts, 26 walks).

* Get well, Bob Huggins. The University of West Virginia basketball coach has been hospitalized longer than expected in Las Vegas after breaking four ribs Friday in a hotel room fall.

Steve Stein's "Nine Lines" for Saturday, July 24, 2010

* It wouldn't surprise me if the Cincinnati Bengals signed free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens. He'd fit in perfectly with the NFL's ultimate ego-maniac, Chad Ochocinco. 

* What a shock it was to read that  Kaye Cowher, wife of former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher, died Friday at the young age of 54 from skin cancer. The Cowhers were married in 1981 and have three daughters.

* So much for Kansas City Royals outfielder David DeJesus being trade bait. He's out for the season after having surgery to repair torn tendons in his right thumb. DeJesus was injured Thursday crashing into the center field fence at Yankee Stadium chasing a shot hit by New York's Derek Jeter that turned into an inside-the-park home run. 

* If you're paying for the MLB Network, don't miss its coverage Sunday of the Baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremonies fromCooperstown, N.Y. After a 12:30 p.m. EDT preview show, the induction will start at 1:30 p.m. Andre Dawson, Whitney Herzog and Doug Harvey are this year's enshrinees.

* Rafael Palmeiro will be eligible next year to be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. After lying about his steroid use, there's no way he'll ever be elected.

* Kelly Johnson of the Arizona Diamondbacks hit for the cycle Friday night, but his team still lost 7-4 to the San Francisco Giants. Johnson saved the easiest of the four required hits for last. He homered in the first inning, doubled in the fifth, tripled in the sixth, and singled in the eighth.

* Three of the most unlikely players have hit for the cycle this season. Before Johnson achieved the feat, Jody Gerut of the Milwaukee Brewers and Bengie Moline of the Texas Rangers did the trick.

* ESPN televised a U.S. vs. Canada men's slow pitch softball game and a Team USA basketball intra-squad game Saturday. What's next on the world-wide leader's mid-summer schedule, putt putt golf? 

* With Lance Armstrong out of the running, do you know who is leading the Tour de France? Didn't think so.

Steve Stein's "Nine Lines" for Friday, July 23, 2010

* Kudos to "Fox NFL Sunday" analyst and former football coach Jimmy Johnson for appearing on "Survivor: Nicaragua" at age 67. Now if he'll quit hawking that alleged male enhancer product on late night TV infomercials, he'll regain ALL the respect he's lost.

* Why did I just notice this week that Alex Rodiguez is closing in on his 600th career home run? Perhaps it's because it was only two years ago that A-Rod hit No. 500.

* My, how the mighty have fallen. Tracy McGrady, at one time one of the NBA's biggest stars and now just a shadow of his former self because of injuries, is apparently being pursued by only the Chicago Bulls during this summer of superstar free agency.

* The inmates continue to run the NBA asylum. New Orleans Hornets guard Chris Paul says he wants to be traded to a team with other superstars.

* The Los Angeles Lakers have added another agitator to their roster. After signing Ron Artest in the last off-season, they grabbed Matt Barnes this week. While they'll never be confused with the Detroit Pistons of the late 1980's, the Lakers have quietly become one of the most physical teams in the NBA.  

* Among the inductees this year into the United States Hockey Hall of Fame will be former defensemen Kevin and Derian Hatcher, the best brother combination in U.S. hockey history. 

* I have a feeling the NCAA's investigations into agents and their runners are going to reveal some very uncomfortable truths about college sports.

* I'm not a NASCAR fan, so I can't answer this question: Why are attendance and television rankings dropping so quickly?

* A Connecticut federal court judge ruled this week that competitive cheerleading isn't a sport and cannot be used for Title IX compliance in the nation's colleges. And women's field hockey is a sport?   

Steve Stein's "Nine Lines" for Thursday, July 22, 2010

* My bucket list includes a trip to Cooperstown, N.Y., for the annual Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Andre Dawson, Whitey Herzog and umpire Doug Harvey will be inducted Sunday.

* It's painfully obvious that the Philadelphia Phillies will not be making a third consecutive trip to the World Series.

* Now that the St. Louis Cardinals have regained first place in the National League Central Division from the Cincinnati Reds, they won't give it up.

* Here's a sign of the times. Beginning next season, all locally produced St. Louis Cardinals games will be televised on a cable channel. It'll be the first time that's happened since the Cardinals began televising games in the 1940's.

* Prediction: Ryan Sandberg will be the next manager of the Chicago Cubs.

* I can understand why Chicago Cubs fans love him, but Ron Santo has to be the worst radio color man of any MLB team. Yea. No. Geez. Darn. That's about all he contributes to game broadcasts.

* Somebody please tell me why Stuart Scott is one of ESPN's most prominent on-air talents. His schtick is old.

* Can you see Michael Jordan, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson playing on the same NBA team? Neither can I.

* Brett Favre will return to the Minnesota Vikings. He can't wait to face the New Orleans Saints in the season opener.

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DOCTOR HOWE: Gordie Howe, aka Mr. Hockey, will soon have an additional moniker. The University of Saskatchewan will present the former Detroit Red Wings great and four-time Stanley Cup winner with an honorary doctor of laws degree June 3 during commencement ceremonies in Saskatoon. The university said it is honoring Howe for the philanthropic work of his Howe Foundation. Howe grew up in Saskatoon, about two miles west of the Saskatchewan campus, and now lives in suburban Detroit.

FORGET IT: Thursday was a bad day for Washington National principal owner Mark Lerner and Boston Red Sox pitcher Scott Schoeneweiss. Lerner needed 30 stitches to close a cut on the bridge of his nose after he was hit by a ball while shagging flyballs during batting practice before a game at Nationals Park. Blame the accident on the sun, which blinded Lerner as he was trying to catch the ball. Lerner said he's going to continue shagging flyballs occasionally despite the mishap, but doctors have told him to ride the bench until his cut heals. The Red Sox designated Schoeneweiss (1-0, 7.90 ERA in 15 appearances) for assignment on the first anniversary of his wife's death. Gabrielle Schoeneweiss died May 20, 2009 from an overdose of cocaine and lidocaine, an anesthetic.

ROLL OUT THE BARRELS: The marketing creativity of minor league baseball teams never ceases to amaze me. Case in point ... the Peoria (Ill.) Chiefs of the Class A Midwest League are holding a Salute to Road Construction Night on Wednesday. In addition to giving out free tickets to the game against the Cedar Rapids Kernels to workers at Peoria-area construction sites, the Chiefs will celebrate road construction by having staff members wear orange vests and hard hats at the game, and traffic signs and cones will be used to direct foot traffic in the concourses at O'Brien Field. Head shots of Chiefs players shown on the video board will include construction gear. Funny construction scenes from movies also will be shown on the board.

BY THE NUMBERS
4
Age of Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews in 1992, when the Blackhawks last appeared in the Stanley Cup finals. The Blackhawks will meet either the Philadelphia Flyers or Montreal Canadiens in this year's finals.
5
Operations that Oakland Athletics third baseman Eric Chavez has undergone since Sept. 5, 2007.
6
Minutes missed in the second period Sunday by Blackhawks defenseman Duncan Keith after he was hit in the mouth with a puck during Chicago's series-clinching 4-2 win over the San Jose Sharks.
7
Teeth Keith lost when hit by the puck.
33
Victories by the Cleveland Indians and Cincinnati Reds in their deadlocked inter-league series.
43
Years since a Chicago Cubs pitcher won his first six decisions of the season. Carlos Silva achieved the feat Sunday, improving to 6-0 by beating the Texas Rangers. Ken Holtzman started 6-0 in 1967.

SHOE ENOUGH: You'd think with all the negative publicity hazing has gotten in recent years, you wouldn't see it anymore in high school sports. Not so. Anneliese Neitling, the second-year coach of the South Tahoe (Calif.) High School softball team, has apologized for a stunt -- she calls it a joke -- she pulled May 1 during a team slumber party. She made eight of her players who struck out during a game earlier that day against Reno (Nev.) Wooster drink soda pop out of a player's shoe. Ever looked inside one of your shoes? Would you like to drink something out of it? A parent complained to Lake Tahoe Unified School District Superintendent James Tarwater, who plans to discuss Neitling's "joke" during her postseason evaluation. My crystal ball is usually cloudy, but I can confidently predict that Tarwater won't be laughing during his meeting with the coach.

CAR WARS: Reading about what happened to veteran Montreal Gazette hockey writer Pat Hickey's car that was parked in a lot near the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia during Game 1 of the NHL's Eastern Conference finals made me sick. Beer-drinking vandals who left crushed cans around Hickey's Honda Civic slashed a front tire, stripped the rubber off the front bumper and stole the Quebec license plate, which made it obvious that Hickey's car was targeted. Luckily for Hickey, 66, an arena employee who was leaving work saw what happened to Hickey's car and helped him put on a spare tire. Is there any wonder why some Canadians hate Americans?

CLOSE THE DOOR: It seems like there's no end to these types of stories. The manager of the Lindell Ice Arena in Royal Oak, Mich., is facing an aggravated indecent exposure charge after an 18-year-old female employee told police she saw him masterbating with his office door open. Worse yet, the employee said Ronald Holbrook, 52, was watching women skating on the ice at the time. Holbrook, who has been arena manager for 14 years, has been on administrative leave since the alleged incident was reported to police.  

SPARTY HITS THE ROAD: Michigan State's basketball team can't catch a break in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge. For the second straight year, the Spartans will play on the road against the defending NCAA national champion. They'll be at Duke on Dec. 1. Michigan State traveled to North Carolina the previous season. I doubt MSU coach Tom Izzo will complain about the trip to Cameron Indoor Stadium. He likes tough regular-season match-ups on the road to prepare his team for the NCAA tournament.

STEIN'S NINE: My list of the top nine managers in baseball:
1. Joe Madden (Tampa Bay)
2. Ron Gardenhire (Minnesota)
3. Charlie Manual (Philadelphia)
4. Bobby Cox (Atlanta)
5. Joe Torre (Los Angeles)
6. Joe Girardi (New York Yankees)
7. Mike Scioscia (Anaheim)
8. Bruce Bochy (San Francisco)
9. Tony LaRussa (St. Louis)

FRONT OF THE LINES: As many as five Kentucky basketball players could leave school and be drafted June 24 by NBA teams. That's fine. It's obvious that school wasn't an important consideration for most of the Wildcats during the fall semester. Thanks to some outstanding reporting by the Lexington Herald-Leader, we've learned that Coach John Calipari's team's cumulative 2.025 grade point average during the semester was the worst of all 20 Kentucky sports teams and the nine Southeastern Conference basketball teams that provided their cumulative GPA to the newspaper. NCAA basketball champion Duke (3.01 cumulative GPA) and Kansas (2.95) found time to win on the court and in the classroom. The cumulative GPA for all Kentucky undergraduate students (2.92) and freshmen (2.82) far eclipsed the basketball team's number.  

TECHNICAL FOUL: Here's a bit of advice. Don't get arrested after you've been hired for a job. Tim Welsh, who was hired as the Hofstra basketball coach in late March, resigned Monday. He had been suspended by the school Friday, the same day he was arrested on drunk driving charges in Levittown, N.Y. Welsh reportedly signed a five-year contract with Hofstra that paid him $600,000 annually. Welch spent the past two seasons as a college basketball analyst for ESPNU after coaching at Iona (1995-98, 70-22) and Providence (1998-2008, 145-126).

TASER TIME: I have no problem with police using a Taser to capture a 17-year-old fan who was running on the field Monday at Citizens Bank Park during a game between the Philadelphia Phillies and St. Louis Cardinals. If you're stupid enough to run on a sports field in this age of heightened security, you deserve whatever you get from law enforcement. 

G'DAY FOR AUSSIES: When Minnesota Twins rookie Luke Hughes homered in his first major league at-bat last week against the Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park, he became the first Twin to do that since Andre David on June 29, 1984. David's homer also was hit against the Tigers, at Tiger Stadium. Hughes hopes the similarities end there. David's first at-bat homer turned out to be his only round-tripper in the big leagues. He played in 38 games in portions of the 1984 and 1986 seasons for the Twins, and hit .245 with five RBI in 53 at-bats. Hughes is one of five Australian-born players in the major leagues. The others are Grant Balfour (Tampa Bay Rays), Peter Boylan (Atlanta Braves), Ryan Rowland-Smith (Seattle Mariners) and Brad Thomas (Tigers), who earned his first major league victory on the same night as Hughes' homer.

FRONT OF THE LINES: Yes, it was stupid, unprofessional and insensitive for Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland to ask Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant during a pre-draft interview if his mother is a prostitute. But I don't understand the national uproar. Bryant kept his cool and was later drafted by the Dallas Cowboys, Ireland apologized to Bryant, and now Ireland probably faces disciplinary action after his mistake became public knowledge. End of story, let's move on. Have you been asked a weird question during a job interview? How did you react? Please respond at the end of this posting or send me an e-mail at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Thanks. 

NBA: In a league where sportsmanship is old school, Grant Hill stands out. The Phoenix Suns forward has won the NBA's Joe Dumars Trophy for outstanding sportsmanship for an unprecedented third time. Hill also was honored in 2005 and 2008. Players vote for the award. The NBA will donate $10,000 in Hill's name to his designated charity, the Phoenix-based WellCare Foundation, which provides free health care for single working mothers and their children. The other award finalists this season were Chauncey Billups of the Denver Nuggets, Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics, Antawn Jamison of the Cleveland Cavaliers, Al Horford of the Atlanta Hawks and Luis Scola of the Houston Rockets. The NBA will donate $5,000 to each of their favorite charities. Dumars, the former Detroit Pistons star who now is the team president, was the award's first winner in 1996.   

MLB: The Detroit Tigers are offering an "Operation Opening Day" DVD for servicemen and servicewomen that includes FOX Sports Detroit's telecast of the Tigers' 5-2 win over the Cleveland Indians on opening day at Comerica Park. Go to www.Tiger.com/operationopeningday for details. ... Tigers pitcher Zach Miner, along with the Detroit Tigers Foundation and Major League Baseball's Baseball Tomorrow Fund, is donating $75,000 toward the construction of a barrier-free baseball field for children with special needs in the Tri-Valley Miracle League in Bridgeport Township, Mich., near Saginaw. ... When the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the Milwaukee Brewers 7-3 Tuesday, it ended an almost unbelievable 22-game losing streak for the Pirates in Milwaukee. ... It seems like teams always lose their first game back home after a long road trip where they enjoyed some success. The Tigers fell 2-0 Tuesday to the Minnesota Twins after going 5-6 on a trip to Seattle, Anaheim and Texas. Both Twins runs were unearned. Of course, facing Francisco Lariano (eight innings, four hits allowed, 10 strikeouts) didn't help the Tigers. Watch out for the Twins. They've won their first six series for the first time in team history.

NHL: The Boston Bruins have won a playoff series in back-to-back seasons for the first time since 1991 and 1992. ... At the other end of the spectrum, the Nashville Predators have now lost in the first round of the playoffs all five times they've qualified for post-season competition. And they've been eliminated all five times at home. The Detroit Red Wings (2004 and 2008), San Jose Sharks (2006 and 2007) and Chicago Blackhawks (2010) have sent the Predators packing.

NCAA: When the Washington football team hosts UCLA on Nov. 18 in Washington quarterback Jake Locker's home finale, it'll be the first weekday home game at Husky Stadium since Thanksgiving 1939. The Huskies faced Oregon that day. Back in 1939, gas was 10 cents a gallon and a new home cost an average $3,800. "Gone with the Wind" and "The Wizard of Oz" were the hot movies, and John Cleese and Tina Turner were born.